Twilight Sparkle Does Not Approve
by Risato
Summary: Yeah, that's right. I'm back.
1. It begins

Chapter One

In the beginning, there was a sentence and it was good. Next was the second sentence which was also of reasonable quality. Third sentence was pretty much crap though and was some kind of harbinger for things to come.

"Oh hell. Let's get this over with then, shall we?" asked the narrator, a disembodied voice used for narrative convenience.

"Very well then. Onwards to chapter the second!" exclaimed another disembodied voice, powerful and loud from above, probably that of an angry incorporeal giant.


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter The Second

It was at this point in time that Fluttershy realized her entire life was a lie. Years of kindness, animal empathy, knowledge of nature, and a strictly vegetarian diet had not led to achieving the vaunted title of Druid. Even now, Druids remained a mystery.

"Oh darn. I could just scream. Better not, I don't want to upset anypony," said Fluttershy, inaudible beyond six inches.

The yellow pony sat in the dirt and pondered. If being a Druid was beyond her, what could she do with her life? She wasn't very good at being a Viking raider. Nuclear physics was far too easy, and besides, who needed nuclear power in a world where there was magic? Magic was also out of Fluttershy's reach. On one hand, she wasn't nearly horny enough to be a unicorn. On the other hand, she was horny enough that she had long since been ineligible for wizard promotion.

"Oh sweet Celestia, whatever will I do with my life?" wailed the pink-maned pony at a volume nearly audible at one full span.

Overcome with depression and despair, Fluttershy hurled her prayers to the wind symbolically, which was really for the best as if they had physical form she likely would have thrown them into a slight breeze which would then have hurled them back in her face. However, the Pony-Emperor Celestia was not on her Golden Throne…


	3. Intrigue

CHAPTER THREE

Celestia was buzzing away merrily in the garden. The garden was not just any garden but a secret garden. It was not The Secret Garden though, just a garden somebody kept a secret. Somebody, which is a word implying not somepony. While Celestia was royalty in her own world, she was now in the world of humans. In the world of humans, Celestia was a bee.

"Buzzzzz buzz buzzzz buzz" said Celestia, rather unaware of the fact that bees simply made a sound for which "buzz" was used as a crude onomatopoeia. There were no other bees around to correct her atrocious bee grammar. This was just as well, as Celestia was fluent in several pony languages, English, and badly dubbed vulgar Finnish, but her knowledge of bee language was limited to the parts of bee language which overlapped with Finnish. Given that bees are not fond of snow or saunas; this historically has led to bee language and the Finnish language holding absolutely nothing in common.

Celestia saw a flower. It was love at first sight. Due to the fact that flowers do not possess optical sensors of any sort, this love was one-sided.

"Ooh, yeah. You like that, don't you, dirty rose slut!" cried Celestia, completely pollinating the shit out of the daisy.

"Yeah, you take it. You take all that pollen and more. You like being my flower bitch, don't you?"

A man of eight decades and more slowly shuffled by, stopping to spray a fine mist of vodka from a bottle kept at his hip. In his old age, Gregory Gardener had long since lost his ability to perform his eponymous duties appropriately. However, his grandson was a lazy bastard who liked to sleep in and Gregory would wake up early enough to get the day started without help from the not so senile.

As the vodka settled upon Beelestia and her unfortunate victim, the one possessing sentience felt a glorious haze envelop her mind.

"Aw yeah, time for the Royal Rump Ravaging!" said Celestia, rather uninterested in the fact that flowers were not in possession of anything commonly seen as a rump.


	4. Suspense

Chapter Four

"It is with the greatest regret that I must inform you that the pony known only as Rainbow Dash has officially been declared missing in action. While it is my duty to comfort the family of the missing, we could not find anypony who fit the description. To be honest, I couldn't be arsed looking for them so I'm just going to explain the situation to you. We're at war with griffons again. If they consider Rainbow Dash to be harmless, they'll rip her to shreds. If they think she's a legitimate soldier, they're going to eat her. If that bitch Gilda found her, so help us all. A griffon that defeats a foe considered worthy will do them the highest honor by eating them alive from the hooves up. Basically kid, this pony is dead dead dead. She thought she was hot, but guess what? She's not."

"I just wanted to know where Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom were! You're a liar. A mean big fat evil liar and I'm going to get my cutie mark in kicking your ass."

Thus Scootaloo was brought before the judge on one count of head-butting a royal guard using her scooter, gravity, and momentum. The judge agreed that the guard was mean, a bit overweight counter to royal guard regulations, had flirted briefly with moments of evil, but his words were probably not lies. Therefore Scootaloo was sentenced to an hour sitting in the corner thinking about what she did.


	5. A Chapter

Chapter VIII

Damn you, Twilight Sparkle.

_**DAMN YOU**_.


	6. We're back

Chapter 5

BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS


	7. for more

Chapter Six

Fluttershy's prayers were absorbed by the darkness.

"Oh ponyfeathers. Wait, I have those! I can use these to develop my new life as a fighter pilot!" exclaimed Fluttershy, her earth-shaking volume bodacious enough to ripple out through a cubit and half more.

When Fluttershy realized that there were no aircraft in a world where quite a few ponies could naturally fly, she gathered her thoughts and meditated under a tree. Her desire to become that very tree was strong indeed. For one full day and one full night, Fluttershy meditated without breaking concentration once. At the peak of the second day, her eyes opened with an unflinching focus and resolve. Fluttershy would become a butcher!

Wielding an enormous cleaver in one hand, the pastel pony brought it down with pathetic force directly upon a large chunk of tofu. Struggling to cut through, she eventually managed to separate a slice. Far too kind and more importantly far too weak to kill animals, Fluttershy decided she would butcher the shit out of some vegetables. Despite her calm exterior, inside of Fluttershy's frail body burned the fiery spirit of a pony who truly desired the wholesale slaughter of plants. Such was her single minded devotion to plant murder that even the faintest conveyance of this through her eyes was sufficient to inspire dread in the mightiest of creatures.

Fluttershy's butcher shop wasn't very successful since she wasn't confident enough to advertise or tell anypony what she was doing. Lucky for her, making money in Equestria wasn't really all that important anyway and other ponies were always giving her bits in appreciation for staring several demons back into their infernal pits years ago.


	8. and more!

Chapter Seven

This chapter sucks because it is really just an explanation of what happened to Chapter VIII, a glorious masterpiece which salvages this train wreck of a story. Rather, it would do such a thing, but it was altered, torn apart, erased, and temporally adjusted to the wrong place by a certain stuck up academic brat born with unreasonably good fortune and destined to do all sorts of great things and go on adventures that background ponies strive for years to accomplish. In fact, the misplacement of Chapter VIII was so severe that the Ninth Chapter tying together the saga laid out in the chapter before was replaced with something else. Chapter X remains the same though. Mysterious X is always reliable like that, showing up just when the race is in peril and everyone is on the edge of their seats. Don't even ask what happened to Chapter Five. Just don't. It hurts. It still hurts.


	9. Brilliance

Ninth Chapter

The olden days oft brought much pain and toil

For soon you see your pants you shall quite soil

Words and tripe thrown all about

Conventions and rhythms of cultured poetry this line does flout

A dirty line here would make this a shitty limerick ending in boil.

"Brilliant," said the man, "nobody can beat my ability to piss in the snow."

With that, he took off in his giant murder machine. Life was good.


	10. Chapter X

Chapter X

One week later, everypony wanted a conclusion. Rainbow Dash was not eaten alive by griffons. The royal guard really was a liar. The judge was sentenced to apologizing to Scootaloo. Scootaloo forgave him because she really just spent the entire hour thinking of new ways to get her cutie mark anyway. Fluttershy's butcher shop closed down after she misplaced her cleaver in one of the fiery hell pits. The demons failed to equip the weapon before it melted and caught on fire. Beelestia rather enjoyed bee-ing a bee. Bees. Perkele. Vittu.

Twilight Sparkle did not approve of this story, but thanks to the glorious Chapter X, the day was saved. Even if things were difficult getting to the end, the power of friendship and the ever vigilant eye of older brother Chapter X would never let the readers down.

The End.

If you are reading past this point, stop. It is already the end.

No, seriously, stop.

Stop now or Chapter X will stop you for you.

Fine, you want more of this story?

The delicious plot of Twilight Sparkle waved in the air to and fro as she searched for another book in her collecti


End file.
